When your husband actually says the words, “I don’t love you,” the hurt comes in waves.

First, there’s shock and bewilderment. Your mind races with questions. How did this happen? How long has he felt this way?

Then there’s terror. What does this mean for our future? For our marriage? For our kids?

Then there’s deep, deep hurt. He doesn’t love you. Does it mean you’re unlovable? Making that immense pain stop becomes your imperative.

You feel the urge to protect yourself with aloofness or insults. It’s just human nature. Flinging some hurtful arrows his way seems not only justified, but necessary.

But the words, “I don’t love you,” can be the breakdown before the breakthrough. They can be the gateway to a marriage that exceeds your imagination, where you feel as loved and connected as you did when you were first dating. And you can have all of that with the guy who just said he didn’t love you, or is acting like he doesn’t.

Here are 3 secrets for getting from here to there:

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4 Simple Ways to Stop Begging and Restore Your Magnetism

When I was at the lowest point in my marriage–feeling completely dejected and lonely because my husband was not affectionate–I kept reading advice from experts who insisted that the solution was to say, “I have a serious concern about your lack of affection.”

The underlying premise of this advice is that my husband just did not know that I liked affection. Or maybe he didn’t realize that he did not show affection. He just somehow…forgot.

But telling him to be more affectionate never works, as I’m sure you already know from trying it yourself. If anything, that drove my husband farther away. Sometimes he’d leave tire marks in the driveway.

It wasn’t until I learned the 4 simple concepts below that I stopped feeling the urge to ask why my husband wouldn’t show affection.

That’s because the smooching, the pats on the butt, and the fireworks in the bedroom came back.

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14 Surprising Ways to Shock Him and Yourself for the Good of You Both. How to get relief from the pain and get your marriage back too.

You can put everything right again but only if you do things very, very differently than you’ve been doing them.

Everything I’m going to suggest will sound counterintuitive. But these radical measures are what I’ve seen breathe new life into broken marriages for thousands of women in your distressing situation—and what I did to revitalize my own broken marriage.

Here’s exactly how to recover the good you had with your husband in the very beginning:

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If you’ve been on the receiving end of a rageaholic’s repeated outbursts, you know how devastating it is to be verbally abused.

You know how demeaning, cruel and destructive it is to your self-esteem.

It’s the worst.

When that hurtful scenario keeps recurring, it seems only sane and obvious to get away from that abusive person permanently.

If you have no power to prevent your partner from exploding, what choice does that leave?

The only logical thing to do is divorce.

But what if you could reduce the blow-ups? What if they dwindled down to hardly ever? Or even none at all?

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This controversial approach has transformed thousands of relationships, bringing women romance and intimacy.

Like millions of women, I wanted my marriage to be better. But when I tried to get my husband to be more romantic, helpful and ambitious, he withdrew– and I was lonely and exhausted from controlling everything. Desperate to be in love with my man again, I decided to stop telling him what to do and how to do it.

When I surrendered control, something magical happened. The union I had always dreamed of appeared. The man who had wooed me was back.

The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage to revitalize intimacy.

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Whether or not you’ve read her books, this collection of Laura’s podcasts for wives will help you internalize and adopt the habits that have helped so many women have relationships that are more fulfilling, pleasurable and relaxed. Listening to Laura’s reassuring voice in your ear will help you gain confidence and courage to make the choices that lead to lifelong romance.

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